I’m so sick of the coronavirus

I’m tired of the coronavirus. I’m sick of worrying about the virus, I’m tired of thinking about the virus, I’m tired of living in a the same world as the virus, and there’s nothing I can do about any of it.

This past weekend, my parents were supposed to visit for a much needed visit. I hadn’t seen them since a Maine vacation back in August and we were due for a quick family gathering at my apartment in DC. But we had to cancel after someone who had come in close contact with my parents tested positive for the virus.

Both my parents and I have been vaccinated, and they’ve even been boosted, but we couldn’t risk spreading the virus throughout our family. I’ve been suffering from non-covid respiratory issues for the better part of two years now, and it just wasn’t worth the risk.

I was supposed to see my kids earlier in November and that too was scrubbed over covid risks. Neither kid was able to get vaccinated in time for my prospective visit, and so we scrubbed it. Neither my ex nor I would be able to live with ourselves if we got one or both of the kids sick.

In lieu of the Thanksgiving trip, my mom asked me to visit them in Florida over Christmas, but with the Omicron variant, I’m having doubts about that as well.

Every day I mourn the life I had before the virus. I travelled frequently, much to the annoyance of my orange tabby cat, Samwise. And I saw friends regularly. Now, my life is a shell of its former self.

I hear all of the arguments, that isolating is not healthy, but what am I supposed to do? I don’t want to die. I’ve had a troublesome cough for a long time now and I worry that even mild covid symptoms would literally end me.

I’m a shell of my former self. I’m social averse to the point where I wonder if I need therapy. I don’t know what to do at this point.

We had a chance to develop a vaccine before the virus mutated and we didn’t hit the mark. Instead, many conservatives turned being unvaxxed into a personality trait, and American drugmakers decided their intellectual property was more important than the lives of folks in less fortunate countries.

So now, as a result, we have variants and mutations and it’s likely we won’t be able to stuff that genie back in the battle. I’ve thought for awhile that covid would turn into an epidemic, where no end is ever in sight. That’s what the flu is now.

The reason why we need an annual flu shot is because we’re getting inoculated against whatever experts think will be the dominant variant of the flu. I think the same thing will happen with covid and it’s just something we’re going to have to deal with for the rest of our lives.

But how do I move past the fear and get my life back on track? I’ll have to think about that a lot more.